I Have 4 Children

It’s been 16 months since we lost Ezra. I never realized how profoundly losing a baby could affect every part of your life. I have laid awake in bed at night fearing people will forget my 3rd baby because he’s not here anymore, especially since his rainbow sister, Peach, was born. I don’t want people to forget him, I want people to always know that he was real and he was loved and he is and always will be my baby. 

The week we were planning on getting family photos taken, I had a meltdown after the children went to bed. I stood barefoot in my dirty kitchen, crying in Milkman’s arms, feeling like our family will never be complete without Ezra here. 

That night before I fell asleep, I determined that I would do something to make our family photos that weekend represent each of my four children. What better way, than with a green balloon– which we released on the day he was cremated and on his 1st birthday. 

Ezra, I’ll never forget you. And I hope people will always remember that even though I have 3 children in my arms, I have been a mother to 4 babies. You are so special to us, and I pray your memory lives on long and strong for many years to come.


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