Tag Archives: pumping

Can’t You Just Breastfeed Your Foster Baby?

Me formula feeding our foster baby while nursing our bio baby

On a Tuesday afternoon last October we got the call. “Would you take a 5 day old baby boy?” 3 hours later we were pulling into the driveway with a tiny stranger, screaming both from withdrawal and hunger.  

We jumped out of the van, unbuckled everyone, ran into the house and I yelled to Milkman, “Make him a bottle!” He looked at me completely confused. 

“How? Do we use hot water? Cold water? How much do we scoop in? How much does he need?”

I was frustrated– not because of *his* lack of knowledge on the subject, but of our collective ignorance. As I fumbled with the pacifier and white noise, Milkman was googling and so was I. “Okay! Warm water, sanitized bottle, 2 ounces, so that’s one scoop!”

How is it that 2 adults who had been parents for 4.5 years to 3 children not know how to make a bottle and feed a baby?

As a nursing advocate, lactation hobbyist, and exclusive breastfeeder, I was (and am!) steeped in all things human milk related. I can help you latch a newborn, hook you up to a pump, make you lactation cookies, and assure you at 4am that that screaming gassy 3 week old you have is totally normal, and it’ll pass. (No pun intended…) but formula feeding? Totally new. We were lost. 

So, we began to educate ourselves, learned proper handling, preparing, and best practices for formula feeding. I thought time and time again how much easier it would be if I could just give him breastmilk. I did some googling and found that while it was not common to get approval for human milk, it was in the realm of possibility.

Because of the baby’s particular set of health concerns, I presented the idea to his pediatrician. She agreed that human milk would be optimum for him. The next step was to get approval from the social workers, who surprisingly were also in support of the idea. The last (and most important) approval I needed to receive was from the baby’s mother. I was so nervous, it was my first time meeting her, and while all the social workers had told me his case would go to permanence and he would likely end up apart of our forever family (he didn’t by the way, because foster care!), I knew this was still her baby. I told her of his particular struggles and that the pediatrician had recommended human milk. Before I could even finish my question, the response she gave was, “Ew. No.” Of course I was disheartened. It was a long road to get him on the right formula, to help with his various health issues, but thankfully we were able to sort his problems out with Gerber Gentle formula.  

I had been cautiously optimistic about being able to give human milk to our foster baby, but once I talked to other foster parents I began to realize how rare approval was. Since then I’ve been asked dozens of times in breastfeeding groups online, crunchy mom circles, and friends “since you have milk, can’t you just nurse your foster baby?”

So let’s break this down.

Biologically, can I nurse a foster baby while still nursing my bio child? Yes. Absolutely. I’ve spent almost half of my nursing journey tandem nursing– that is, nursing two babies (of different ages) at the same time. Milk production works based on demand. In general, the more you nurse, or the more children you nurse, the more milk you make. So biologically, it would be possible for me to nurse a foster child– or any other child for that matter.

Legally, could I nurse a foster baby? The short answer is no. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but the general rule is, this isn’t my baby, so I don’t have the authorization to feed this baby whatever I please. In my county, I can’t even switch formula brands without pediatrician approval. The other issue we fall into is the matter of that of physical boundaries. We live in a culture that has re-assigned the human breast to one task: sexual arousal. Of course, we know biologically that the primary purpose of the female breast is to provide nourishment to children, but nonetheless, offering your breast to a child who is not yours, and may have experienced sexual abuse is going to be a logistical nightmare. 

So can you bottle feed pumped human milk to a foster baby? There will be times where a baby is struggling badly with withdrawal, is having serious digestive problems, or is premature, and a doctor will approve human milk, likely from a milk bank. If a biological mother were to refuse this recommendation and it was deemed to be medically necessary for the child to receive human milk, with proper documentation and approval, it could go to court for a judge to overrule the mother’s protest. Again, there could be a biological mother who says yes, and it’s approved that way. On the other hand, some mothers send their own milk with baby, which (if pumped safely and mom is sober and healthy) is a great option. However, the most common answer is going to be no. Of course, this is a hard pill to swallow for me as an advocate for human milk for human children, but it all comes back to this: these foster babies are not my children, so it is not my choice to do something I have been told not to. 

Imagine if you were an exclusive breastfeeder and you found out that your child’s day care provider was feeding them formula every day. You’d probably be pretty floored, right? Well the same goes in this situation. I’m caring for this child, I make decisions to keep this child safe, fed, and loved, but generally it’s not in my jurisdiction to change their food source if I’ve been denied that request. 

Do foster parents breastfeed or bottle feed human milk to their foster children? Yes. I’ve talked to many of them who have. Some in hushed tones, others with boldness. Many social workers will say “don’t ask, don’t tell”, some doctors will say the same, and some bio parents aren’t around to give approval or denial for the request. Most of these foster parents have the best interest of the child in mind, I’ve never met anyone doing it maliciously. Some counties care less than others and leave more decision making up to foster parent, so it’s not as big of a deal.

The important thing is that we feed babies using best practices. Clean hands, sanitized bottles, properly prepared, and portioned. So if you’re a crazy breastfeeder like me who ends up formula feeding, instead of being too crestfallen at your denial for human milk, do all you can to become educated on formula feeding so the baby has their best chance at a healthy start! And if you’re a formula feeder who has been told to feed human milk, do your research for best practices on handling human milk!

Nursing my toddler while she helped feed formula to our current foster baby

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on foster parenting, breastfeeding, or everyone’s experiences ever with feeding every foster child on the planet, these are merely my thoughts, experiences, and observations. If you’re unsure about human milk and your foster baby, contact your social worker!

Want to read more on fostering, infant feeding, and see some stupid memes? Come check out She Rocks the Cradle on Facebook!

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Peanut Butter Oatmeal Lactation Cookie Bars!

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I am a believer in trusting your body and your baby to make sure you have enough milk while nursing. It’s really easy to stress, especially if it’s your first nursling, about not having enough milk. I remember crying to Milk Man that I wished breasts had ounce lines on them! But after doing some research I found that if after a week baby was having 6 wet diapers a day, I had more than enough milk. Captain was having 12 some days! That helped put my mind to ease.

However, when I got pregnant with Mamitas, my milk supply plummeted a lot and fast. Milk Man found a lactation cookie recipe and we made a huge batch. They were good… But time consuming. Also the recipe made a huge batch and half went bad!

I couldn’t keep up with eating them because I hated the taste of brewers yeast when I was pregnant. So they didn’t serve me too well then. I opted for brewers yeast pills.

Then when I had Mamitas I was determined to pump a week’s supply to freeze as soon as I could since I had regretted not pumping enough when it was just Captain. I turned to lactation cookies as a way to help me make a bit more milk to pump. I have never been an efficient pumper. Captain was gaining weight like a champ and yet I would pump for a half hour and only get an ounce from both sides combined! The cookies helped and I got 100 oz in the freezer with a single pumping session a day for 2.5 weeks!

I have a date night coming up this weekend and I need to pump so I was going to make some lactation cookies, but let’s be real. I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old who are into EVERYTHING. I don’t have time to spoon pretty little individual cookies on a tray, bake, cool, and do another tray… And then however many trays it takes til the dough is gone. So, I started thinking about How much easier bar cookies are than drop cookies and I formulated this recipe from some regular bar cookies and added my own twist.

The result was easy and fabulous. Very easy to make, easy to clean up, and easy to eat. Apparently very easy to eat because Milk Man likes them, too! πŸ˜‰ So, don’t worry, fellas! If you sneak one it won’t make you look like Bob from Fight Club or make you leak. πŸ˜‰

Without further ado, here is the recipe! Enjoy!

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Rachel’s Peanut Butter Oatmeal Lactation Bars!

2 1/4 cups of flour
1 1/2 cups old fashioned oats or coach’s oats
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup of brewer’s yeast
1/3 cup of flaxseed meal

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter (I microwaved mine to get it soft, mostly melted)
2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup peanut butter (if you have a stand mixer room temp is fine, if mixing by hand, microwave it with your butter)
2 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350F degrees. Line a 13-by-9-inch baking pan with parchment paper or spray with non stick.

In a bowl, whisk together flour, oats, baking powder, baking soda, salt, brewers yeast, and flaxseed meal.

In a stand mixer (or large bowl with a hand mixer) combine butter, brown sugar and peanut butter and mix until smooth.

Beat in eggs and vanilla.

Press dough into prepared pan and sprinkle chocolate chips on top and press down on them lightly. (This may be more or less than the 1 1/2 cups. Depends on your preference ;))

Bake for 18-25 minutes or until edges are lightly browned and center is just set. Do not overbake or they’ll be crunchy and dry. Remove from oven and let cool.

My personal preference is to let them cool but not all the way before slicing. I like the pull the parchment out and slice it on a flat cutting board when it’s still warm but not hot.

However! Brewers yeast has a strong taste. For some reason this taste is more apparent when the bars are hot. So I actually don’t like to eat these while warm. I like them cooled with a giant glass of whole milk!

Bars will stay fresh in an airtight container for up to 5 days. I like to freeze half so they don’t go bad.

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